Just last week someone suggested to me that I make my needs far more clear than they’ve been. That I ask for them to be looked after, outright.
And yet everytime I think about them, I’m struck by the resistance my own thoughts form to this approach: I can feel myself reacting to them all as if I were convinced that I’m simply not deserving of these needs.
It’s such a powerful thought that it acts on its own behalf, whenever I’m out to have those needs be met.
So, what can I lose? Except for some comments telling me to “get off my ass and work for these things, just like everyone else does”, and even that is really no loss given that no one reads this blog besides me and maybe one other person, once, that’s nothing.
Here goes, then.
THINGS I NEED, RIGHT NOW (OR very, very soon)
1. Thirty Five to Forty Thousand Dollars.
Enough to pay off debts, with a bit left over.
2. A New Job In A New Town.
Just like David Bowie.
And I want it to be a big, sparkly new town, with a lot of things around me that flash and glimmer, something that makes me want to leave the sanctuary of what I know will be four walls in a tiny womb of a place.
The Job has to be a real one: something I can feel good about doing, where I can use my teaching ability and my ability to write and come up with solutions, and then implement them. I have to feel like people are actually becoming better from what I do, and that I’m actually learning new things all the time.
And the job has to pay me enough so that I can live in my new home, keep myself alive and have access to all the things I need. I’ll need a lot: I want to see the world.
3. Passion.
More than anything, I need that part of me to come back.
4. Health.
Finally, it’s time for this to return as well.
Just for good measure, here’s my Japanese name:
My japanese name is Nakashima (center of the island) Ayumi (walk; deeper meaning: “walk your own way”)
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