M’s in the city again, ironically taking part in an outing I’d been looking forward to–but I missed the last Go train and I’d have been late if I waited to catch the next one. He flipped at the thought of my taking the car in, and simply wouldn’t hear of it–because it would make my father mad. I’ve put that little notation away in my brain–and then I turned the car around and drove for about 2 hours straight with no problem, just listening to my iPod while I wandered around Niagara.
It seems I’m now, apparently, officially barred from seeing his social group as well.
I remember when I started spending time with RS, how often it would be that we’d have time to talk and linger together while M spent time in the city, with a variety of friends and acquaintances–dinners, parties, coffee and dessert, film events, you name it. I’d never be asked to come along (unless it was a dinner with business associates) and after a while I got angry at being left alone. I was very often left alone. It really hasn’t changed (let’s be honest) but I’ve stopped being angry about it.
It feels the same way just now, spending another Saturday evening alone because M wouldn’t risk having to stand his ground if it might have come to that (and it wouldn’t. It was MY decision, and I have no trouble standing up with it). But here I am, typing out a blog entry.
This morning I happened to catch an old friend on-line, who’s finally moved from the middle east to London, England (or actually somewhere rural in England, closer to London than she was when she was in the middle east). We talked for a couple of hours, as she has a phone plan that allows her 59 minutes of free long distance to this country, as long as she keeps to that limit. I replied, “We’ll never, ever, have a conversation that lasts 59 minutes–recalling an instance when she called me from Zimbabwe and we talked for about 4 hours on my cell phone, while I was in the parking lot of a shopping mall. That bill, she remembers, was marriage threatening. On my side, however, you’d never know. Anyway, we caught up for 2 hours or so and then decided we’d stay in touch more often. Felt good to connect with someone, even if she’s thousands of miles away. Certainly felt better than I feel right now.
Right now, I’m kind of glad to put another day spent in almost complete isolation to bed.
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