Yesterday wasn’t as frustrating as I thought it would be, what with the long drive after the first real winter day of the season. I drove east and then north in relative peace, listening to a recorded reading from a novel, something I’ve wanted to do on long drives for ever, but could just never accomplish. The day was almost perfect–sunny, chilly, snowy; I was going to meet my brother for some coffee before driving up but he said he was going the same way; he actually changed his mind when he thought I’d be buying coffee for him, but the fact that my father was there made me rethink the whole proposition. I haven’t got a lot of reasons for wanting to be around my dad these days, especially when he’s got an audience and a reason to be defensive. The guy dislikes me: I get it. No need to belabour the point. I have more enjoyable things to do.
Dr. J was in pretty good spirits yesterday but starting to get a little annoyed and peeved over the results of the last remedy, which brought on a deep depression, tooth sensitivity, extremely long migraines, and even more weight gain despite attempts at restriction. So we hashed out a new approach and he ended up “seeing” what I’d suggested, about 3 consults ago. And so here I am with my new medical friend, above. Let’s see how things go.
It’s been an interesting ride with this doctor, since I started, and I think I may be looking for a solution that doesn’t exist sometimes. If cure is on its way, it’s going to take a while, again; and now I’m feeling like we’ve got to go really deep and it’s possible I’m a little bit frightened, because the pathology is so deeply set. But I finally got him to see the case as I have–right from the start there is evidence of bone deformity in my crazy dentition–small dental arches, large teeth, and slow, faulty, disruptive dentition. Now I know this just illustrates the severity of deficiency my ancestors suffered–I’d have to say on my father’s side, since his family has these bone deformities much more than my mother’s does. Where Dr. J. saw sycotic, I kept seeing syphilitic–in the mineral deficiency, hormonal disturbances, deep depression, and violence which is everywhere in my life. If there is bone deformity in the organism right off the bat, even if it is only initially visible just in the teeth, then the pathology is severe enough to compromise the very foundation (the skeleton) of the organism. Nothing goes deeper than that.
I’m not looking at cysts, or PCOS, or endometriosis, or even just severe anemia or hypothyroidism; I’m actually looking at something far more insidious, far more hidden, and far more progressive. I’m looking at cancer; neurological deterioration, and emotional and mental deterioration instead.
I write this to remind myself: this is the pathological process I’m interrupting.
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