Several weeks ago, Jen, a friend of mine, decided to “bite the bullet” and do something about all the weight she’s accumulated over the years since becoming a mother and home maker. And business CEO: she looks after other peoples’ children as well as her own in a super-efficient and well run day care centre she makes out of her home.
Her own children are older now, and they’re capable of getting through the day without constant supervision or her own oversight (both children spent a few years battling serious illness, so her monitoring shouldn’t be dismissed as frivolous or overbearing, it was necessary). She’s decided to go back out into the work world and pursue a different career. And good for her–she could use some fulfillment, some challenge, and some new opportunities. She’s spent ten years looking after children and she needs and wants more.
To do this, she’s decided the first step must be dramatic weight loss. Her preferred means to this end is lap band surgery.
She’s never said anything about it to me, but she’s wondered to my husband if I’ve dismissed her as a friend for her decision. Because I’ve treated her children for their illnesses in the past, and I’ve even treated her for particular emergencies, she had a fear that I might not be so accepting of her decision, that I’d be angry about the choice she made and probably stop talking to her all together.
I’d never have done that, but I’ve thought about the surgery, and my conclusion is: it’s the surgical imposition of anorexia nervosa, pure and simple. And insane. That being said, as an option for weight loss, it’s no less crazy than any other “diet” out there. And that includes Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Dr. Oz’s low fat “heart health” plan or anything else that’s packaged for consumption by Oprah or Nestle or any company selling weight loss products with names that begin with “Doctor”. I’m going to throw in all the other “health-store” products for weight loss too: the PGXs, the Herbalife-style soy protein shake regimes, the “Herb” based drug diets, the prescription drugs to help with weight loss, the “Slim Shot” pre-meal faux foods that make you feel full so you can starve more easily. They all accomplish the same thing, and they are all equally unhealthy. So why hate on the surgery alone?
They all work the same way, and they all create the same temporary results. They all change the body permanently in terms of metabolism, and one would have to work exceedingly hard to continue the same amount of ongoing starvation in order to keep the weight off for good, which is what they all promise they’ll do but never actually deliver. When these methods stop being effective (and they always do), and when the body’s own need for real nutrients begins to take over, then other steps will have to be taken to sustain that weight loss.
Most people who can afford it go on prescription stimulants: daily or weekly “B12 shots” (that are not really B12) to keep the metabolism moving at a close to normal rate. Some try to accomplish this with excessive exercise, several hours a day spent training or working out or running. It can be done with some success for the very few, and there are all kinds of options people try, including medications and special long term liquid diets. If you want some ideas on how to accomplish the eternal slimness, any pro-anorexia site will fill you in. They’re basically do-it-yourself guides, equal to the medical manuals on how to keep the weight from coming back. Just type “pro anorexia” into Google if you need to know, and bingo, cornucopia.
I know why my friend has made this choice. Like all fat women (and men, it applies there too) who’ve experienced life in both body shapes, my friend is acutely aware of the way others perceive her now that she’s big. She’s whip smart and incredibly competent, and if you spend any time in her company you can tell she can handle anyone, she could manage anything. We laugh about it, but she can accomplish things I’ve never seen anyone do before, and she can do them easily–just for example, I’ll let you know that she directed subcontractors she hired to renovate an entire house in two weeks, within the budget she specified. They finished ahead of schedule, cleaned up after themselves, and they came in under budget; plus they did the work properly because she insisted it be perfect before she paid them. She got exactly what she demanded. That might sound like nothing to you, but my family’s business is construction and contracting: I’ve worked in it since I was fourteen, and though I’m out of it now it’s still a daily concern for the rest of my family, and I know what comes and goes in the business. I have never once seen anyone capable of accomplishing this until I saw Jen do it, and in the almost 50 years that my family’s business has been around, no one’s ever heard of it taking place either. If it happens at all, it’s exceedingly rare. But Jen knows what’s involved in each task, knows what good work looks like compared to poor work, and she knows how to persuade people to get the obstacles out of the way so they can get what they’re supposed to do done.
But it’s likely she won’t be hired in any interview, because many people have a firm belief now that “fat” equals “unhealthy”, “fat” equals “stupid”. There’s also the “fat” equals “déclassé” concept, which goes hand in hand with the belief that fatties are happy being lazy, they eat and watch TV all day. Interviewers really think a fat woman can’t represent their company in a good light (and she can’t, not when there’s so much prejudice out there). So they’ll be pleasant, and they might even love her as a candidate; but her odds of being chosen over anyone else who is not overweight are not good.
If she slims down quickly, she’ll be in a new job by September–and she’ll have her pick of offers, despite the fact that we’re in a recession. Unless you’ve experienced the way your brilliant attributes suddenly become surprising and visible only after you’ve slimmed down, you won’t have any idea what I’m talking about. But if you have, you know her pro-surgery decision wasn’t about “health” vs. “illness”, and you’d know the argument about weight loss and and health doesn’t hold water. Lap band surgery is frequently deadly, and like all diet plans and medical procedures (including pharmaceutical weight loss aid pills), death is always listed as a side effect. At the cost of at least sixteen thousand dollars in Canadian funds per procedure (it’s not often covered by OHIP), and at such a high risk for death and other illnesses that would follow any surgery and any starvation weight loss plan, you’d think the risks would dissuade anyone. But the risks just don’t, and the overweight people who opt to undergo these procedures in any form know all about them, yet they choose to submit anyway. Why?
Because the decision isn’t about health at all. In Jen’s case, it’s about being allowed the right to pursue her career goals without prejudice…and following that, the chance to have a life that’s free from that prejudice all together, even if it’s only for a little while.
The end justifies the (incredibly punishing) means.
And I totally get it.
